Are You Lonely? Do this...

Are you feeling isolated or alone? Perhaps in the middle of a busy life, and bustling crowds and multiple friends... but something feels out-of-sorts on the inside? Here's my story and learning.

[Alternatively listen to Podcast #164 Authentic Conversations]

I am a people-person

My natural gift is quickly making connections (see WOO on Gallup Strengthsfinder). I have regular, weekly calls with people I love and care about and who have a shared vision.

We recently relocated 3,000 miles from California to Pennsylvania into an area where we know no one. I am SURROUNDED by connections all across the country and friends within 2hrs drive BUT have yet to find local, in-person community.

Feeling out-of-sorts and not knowing why

Last week I was wondering why I felt irritated, unsettled and out-of sorts. Here's a few of the context:

- My kids who have grown to be friends, have left for college (thankfully we have one adult child with us!)

- My wife, Janine, had COVID so was keeping her distance

- My daughter couldn't come home for the weekend, as planned, because of COIVD in my house.

- I have reached out to connect with a local law enforcement community to build a similar relationship I had in California... only the local establishment had no grid for positive connections with good citizens without an agenda.

- We have visited four different local churches and have yet to find one where we all sense we belong.

"Oh.... I'm feeling lonely!"

In talking with my wife about what was going on I had a lightbulb moment (often happens in conversation with her)... I am feeling lonely!

I have more-than-I-can-manage connections via phone and zoom and facetime and email. But I MISS THE FACE-TO-FACE connections and unspoken sense of security from being part of a city-community. I miss the significance of being engaged with something in-person, that bigger than me.

The first step to change is acknowledgement

It was a bit of a shock to realize I was feeling lonely. And at the same time, freeing. Oh, that's whats going on. I am having a feeling!!!

So I sit with the Lord and begin to process it. Actually that started to unpack (unravel?) over the next few days.

Denial (or believing lies) results in unhealthy behavior

I became aware of lies that I was starting to believe that were REINFORCING loneliness.

Maybe I don't fit.

  Maybe I just don't belong...

    I am not wanted.

       I am unloved.

          I am an outcast...

              I am rejected.

This progression of thought is ENTIRELY what the devil wants to do with you. To lead you down a progression of thoughts that first self-protect, then isolate, then lead to depression and ultimately death.

I was being passive

They also result in passive (or perhaps victim-like) behavior - waiting from someone else to reach out or introduce themselves or include you. 

STOP IT. Change your thinking - Divorce rejection

Thanks to my wife and the Holy Spirit prompting I found the problem and now had a choice to own it and change it. That looks like this...

"Jesus, thank you for loving me.

Thank you for paying the price for me to be one with you.

I have been feeling lonely.

I have started to believe the lies that I don't fit or don't belong...

Please forgive me for partnering with lies and listening to the spirit of rejection.

I receive the acceptance and adoption and security and identity that you freely gave me.

Thank you that I am accepted and I belong and I am a member of your family.

I divorce rejection!

Jesus, what do you want me to know instead?"

Take a moment to pause and listen for what the Holy Spirit says...

I immediately heard him say of me "I am in the right place at the right time with the right message and the right people," and that "I am dearly loved by all who know me."

I wrote that down and use that as a weapon every time I recognize a lie trying to creep in.

Take the initiative

Dealing with the lies and reconnecting with who Jesus says you are is the first step.

Now there's some PRACTICAL things that you need to do to walk into freedom and life and healthy in-person community.

Ask yourself - what could I do to take initiative and reach out?

Here's what I did and am doing:

- Have dinner with some new connections

- Introduce yourself at local church... don't wait for someone else to come up to you

- Take initiative in your local community connections

=> I have joined the local Chamber of Commerce and emailed the contact regarding one of their leadership programs that introduces participants to the key people and influences of the community

=> I am going to a local Economic Development Corporation meetup that happens to be this week

- Ask Holy Spirit what else...

- I am taking more time in my office to pray in the Spirit and worship with Youtube Bethel 

Seek further resources

If you recognize you need more help to get free from thinking and behaviors that have made you passive and/or powerless check out some other helpful resources:

- Read Shifting Atmospheres (and accompanying workbook) by Dawna de Silva

- Read/watch Spirit Wars by Kris Valllotton

- Find a counsellor or get a session with Bethel Sozo (link here)

- See Orbis Ministries for Resources on inner healing and deliverance

- Join Heaven in Business online community - Heaveninbusiness.com/free-trial and meetup at our weekly live call for encouragement, inspiration and activation