Beyond Behavior Management: Training the Heart with Janine Mason
Jun 19, 2024
When our employees or our children are not behaving as we want them to it is easy to put into place a ‘behavior management system’ that allows us to influence their behavior by threatening consequences or offering rewards. Whilst both of those methods (the carrot and the stick) have merit, there is a higher way of operating to get the desired outcomes.
Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
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Put this together with Deuteronomy 6:6-7 which talks about teaching our children the things that are in our hearts (the law of the Lord) and you discover what Kingdom parenting is about. I believe we are to train the hearts of our employees (if they are willing) and the hearts of our children rather than just trying to curb the behavior that we don’t like.
Our 20 year old son Ben is working in Dallas for part of the summer. Part of his job description is to train a young man who is 17 and has little work experience. Ben told us one night recently that he’d had a revelation. “This young guy keeps coming to me and asking me questions that he should really know the answer to. I kept giving him the answers all day. Finally at the end of the day I realized that I was doing it wrong. Instead, I need to change my approach and teach him to think for himself. Now I’m going to ask him questions and teach him how to think.” Ben just discovered a ‘secret’ to good parenting. You can teach a kid to do what is right by telling him everything he or she can or cannot do. Or you can train their hearts to know for themselves to do what is right.
It takes more time to train in the ways of righteousness than it does to simply get compliance. It’s not always easy, but in the long run, you are setting your children (or employees) up for success, when you train their hearts, rather than just addressing each situation as it comes up.
So how do you do that?
- See ‘interruptions’ from people as brilliant opportunities to train them in the ways of the Kingdom, especially if those interruptions are as the result of ‘bad’ behavior.
- Remember that you have a God given mandate to raise your children in the ways of the Kingdom. This is your privilege and your responsibility.
- Remind yourself that you are training hearts not just adjusting behavior. One is short term, the other has an eternal effect.
- Take time to explain ‘why we do things this way.’ “We don’t use loud voices when we are in the store because we want to honor the people who are working and shopping here. It honors Jesus when we honor those people.”
- Recognize and praise behavior that lines up with the Kingdom. “I love how you were brave enough to walk away from people gossiping. Way to honor the Lord. So proud of you.”
Take the time to go beyond behavior management to training hearts and you will see a lasting effect.
Next steps:
- Be first to know of Janine's upcoming course - Kingdom Parenting. Enter your details here: Kingdom Parenting Course
- Listen to this week's podcast episode HERE
