162 How to Find (and Keep) the Spouse of Your Dreams

Twenty four years ago I married my best friend... and she is still my best friend! We (mostly me) have had some bumps and adjustments along the way as we have navigated moving across continents, having no income for three years, avoiding wildfires and working through family health challenges. The last three days we have spent together in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee, celebrating our 24th anniversary together and I've been reflecting on what has made our marriage a success - I found and kept the spouse of my dreams. Here's an insiders list of how you can do the same:

I was 25 years old when I met Janine. I certainly wanted that to (make it?) happen sooner but a key principle guided me: 

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness 

and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Key action - seek God first. Make Him (...not a church or a career or a companion) the center of your life and you will find that He will ADD what is best and most important to you. 

I was open to relationships as I went to college and considered a couple different people to pursue. In each case, I asked the Lord for His guidance and both times He let me know that wasn't the person I was going to spend my life with. That wasn't easy at the time (especially when I compared my single life with the lives of others around me). But I made a decision to trust Him fully with my life and seek Him first - above all else. History says He was right! 

When I left college and prayed about which location to start my first job as an agricultural business consultant, I sensed the Lord leading to a particular location.  When I arrived I also joined a young adults group in the local church. There I met Janine, who grew to become my best friend. Nine months later, through a fun story, God showed me this is who He was sending my way (and me toward her!).

A key part of the verse above says to seek God's righteousness = His way of living. This is simply impossible in our own ability which is why He gives us the Holy Spirit to teach and lead

When you are an expert there is no room for mistakes. When you are a novice, you are EXPECTED to make mistakes. So stay a novice. Give yourself grace and give your spouse grace and keep learning!

Don't go to bed angry or disconnected. Resolve it, if you can. Otherwise AGREE to resolve it in the morning. 

I have found pastoral counselors are helpful. I have also found that professionally trained counselors are MORE helpful. In business you would be foolish not to engage the best professional advisors (accountants, lawyers... ) that you can afford. Your marriage is MORE valuable than your business so it should be even more important to engage professionals.

Regardless of your budget there is always something you can do to laugh together or create shared experiences. Prioritize it. Explore what is fun.... games, walking, visiting...

What is one piece of advice you have learned, to find and keep the spouse of your dreams?