I have conflict. I love to win. But not everyone agrees with what I think we should do; or the timing of it. Sometimes I cause my own conflict by doing or saying something stupid or ignorant. Sometimes there are people in the room that I would rather avoid entering into conversation with, knowing it always leads to conflict. I can feel wound up, angry, discouraged, depressed, attacked, scared, irritated… So how can I always win?
In the context of this article, winning is not about being right or wrong. It’s not even about protecting the relationship at all costs. Sometimes that is impossible. It’s about being true to who you are, whose you are and knowing WHO you are ultimately accountable to.
Here’s a simple process to walk through BEFORE you engage in the conflict situation. I recommend doing this daily, first thing, and you will set yourself up to win… always.
If you do this well then you will always win… although people may not think so. I am learning that if you are going to do anything significant and you are going to follow Christ in all of life, you are GUARANTEED to have conflict with people. So here is what to do:
1. Commune with God FIRST
Remember, and strengthen, your connection with Him. Remember what it means to be in covenant. The greatest blood covenant in all eternity was the Father sacrificing His Son for YOU. He chose to be wrong in order to make you right. He is with you. He paid the ultimate price to restore you as family, not acquire you as a soldier or employee! First align with Him. Ask yourself these questions:
Who is my Reward?
Who is my Defender?
Who is my Source of increase, protection, provision, value?
Who is with Me?
2. Purpose or Assignment Check
From the place of connection with your Maker, consider these questions:
What is my purpose on earth?
Who gave that to me?
Who am I accountable to?
Who am I NOT accountable to?
3. Priority Check
What has God said for you to do in this situation/role/responsibility… conflict?
Are you doing it?
Are you stuck on a particular method rather than agreeing on outcomes and letting go control of the method? Is this what is causing the conflict? Is there a better way? Does God see this differently?
4. Problem Solving
Now that you aligned with God, your purpose and priorities, you can quickly unblock what is holding you personally from moving forward.
Answer these questions:
What am I afraid of?
What is holding me back?
What lies am I believing?
Where am I not trusting God?
Where am I working harder/ahead of Him?
Now exchange your problem for His peace – He paid for this! Say something like this… “Jesus I give you… [the block or lie or problem]…”
Ask Him what He wants to give you in exchange. Thank Him for that.
Remember this is a journey… A marathon, not a sprint. It is a movie, not a picture.
This will take time. Time is ok. It produces patience and perseverance that have great reward.
Answer this question:
What do I need to DO to move forward in alignment with God AND with those He has placed me with?
Now DO IT!
He has worked for a national consultancy firm and leading financial institution as well as investing in international community development.
Andy is the director of Heaven in Business and together with his wife, Janine, leads Dream Culture – a movement catalyzing people to discover and live their dreams. Andy and Janine live with their four children in Redding, CA. For more see www.AndyandJanine.com.